Caring For Family Members
Posted: Tuesday, August 11, 2009
by elle kynzer
It seems I've been so preoccupied lately, that everything else has taken second or third place. My life is overwhelmed by the last two to three years of taking elderly family members to appointments, treatments, and finalizing their last days. The time has gone by so fast, and with the election over, so many changes. It was important to me to have this time with no regrets. That last six months is when we either succeed or fail, in our compassion. It may be hard to deal with at the time, but it is our chance to be compassionate, and close a very sacred chapter of our lives with honor.
After the funeral, it was clear that mother would need me more than ever, as she no longer drives. I lived about 35-40 miles away, and had been driving over 100 miles back and forth, once you factored in the appointments. So we sold our house, and moved closer, within seven or eight miles. The needs of her own care had become an important issue, and more doctor appointments. It was then that my spouse had to have surgery, and I felt the house had become a nursing home, without nurses. There were relapse surgeries, and bills to pay.
It has been two years and ten months, since we buried the man, who thought he might live to be over a hundred. He only lived to be seventy-seven, and worked hard his whole llife, as sort of a work-a-holic. The cancer came on fast, it took hold immediately, and from the discovery of something wrong, until the first oncology visit....only two or three months. Within ten months he was dead. So our lives can change in a heartbeat, and be snuffed out very quickly. The man had fabulous insurance, and of course Medicare. He served others in his community, as a christian volunteer, but that is not as respected as it once was. He paid his bills, and retired with a state pension. The man was never on welfare, or took a dime from anyone, until he needed treatment for a terminal illness.
My mother has more expenses now, than a year ago. However, as I look back, there were some expenses for her diabetes,as she got older, but only for prescription drugs. She was a gardener, with a lot of excercise in her life. This woman never had an operation in all of her eighty years. The only time she was in hospital was when she had a stroke at seventy, almost nine years ago, and she made a full recovery. Only two weeks in a hospital in her whole life. However, she had just returned from an internation flight visiting three countries. It is documented that those long flights can have this effect, in certain circumstances. She went back to gardening and living a full life until now.
The point of writing this article is that we do not know what the future holds for anyone. We cannot predict, who will do a full recovery, and who will be a burden to the system. However, there is one thing I can predict, and that is if we do not do all we can do, for the ones who loved us and cared for us when we were young and vulnerable, then we have failed. The guilt that would be ours for failing is being taken away by the people, who want a "sterile" unknown to make those decisions. Yes, our system needs some reform, but not a total overhaul that invades our bank accounts and keeps us from doing what we need to do for our parents, the disabled, and the vulnerable. The real kicker is they are unwilling to be on that system, that they want us, our parents and others to use.
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